Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Expecting Grace

I have learned to wait for God's grace like the sunrise.
When life starts pushing in on all sides.
When I feel like I can't stand one more second of tension.
When the bottom is creaking and absurdities are piling up.
That's when I know it's coming.
The waiting can feel like torture.
Like holding your breath under water.
Or your hand on a hot stove.
I've learned to breath through the pressure, the screaming want for relief.
And wait.

Just this morning as emotions churned in my stomach like butterflies at war,
I knew. God's grace is coming.
I could feel it. Not the grace, but it's approach.
And maybe that in and of itself is grace.

The entire process is kind of beautiful.
But I use to be blind to it.
I would get upset, work myself into a tizzy, despair of life itself
And then experience such sweet relief in an unexpected source.
Now, I've learned to expect it.
I still get upset.
I still work myself into tizzies.
Sometimes I even still despair of life itself.
The difference now is, I know it's coming.

And when it dawns on me.
When grace's warm rays wash over me and relax my silly heart
It is like receiving a hidden gift.
Or finding someone during a game of hide and seek.
God's grace is sweet. And mysterious. And perfect in a very imperfect way.

I do not understand Him and It.
But I trust in Their Ever-Present Presence in my life.
Like I know the sun will rise tomorrow.
So, so much.

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