Thursday, January 10, 2013

I really want to say "Welcome, 2013!"

After 2 relatively peace-filled and happy years (2011-2012), 2013 is off to a rough start...

My New Year's Eve was difficult to say the least. A few days later my beloved Henry was in a dog fight that ended tragically. Henry is alive, but we are all figuratively (and some of us literally) scarred. A few days after that I got a call from the doctor saying that my physical back in December had yielded some "abnormal results" and that I would have to come in for further testing. Now I'm waiting to hear the results and what happens next. Today, I sit here with some sort of sinus-head cold and to top all that off our toilet stopped flushing today, the front door will not fully close or lock, and a lightbulb went out in the kitchen. I had to call the maintenance man.

I know all of the things I listed in the above paragraph may be nothing compared to what some people are going through, but it is a lot for me and that is what I have got to manage: me.

I have debated a lot about whether or not I want to keep this blog and why. I know for a fact that I have nothing profound to say and that my life is not truly that interesting to any outsiders. Nor am I under any sort of illusion that a great number of people even read this thing.

Nonetheless, I like writing. I enjoy having this blog just as I enjoy reading the blogs of others. I would like to be more consistent in writing. I think it would be good for me.

I know it is popular to say "everything happens for a [good] reason" and when someone says that to me my usual response is to good-naturedly agree. But I do not truly believe that sentiment. I believe sometimes things just happen because of the freewill God has given man, because of the natural rhythyms of nature, and because of reasons maybe we can't fathom (which would really seem like no reason to us). 

However, I do believe that God can overcome absolutely anything to bring us to a place of healing, truth, and freedom. I think maybe that is what is happening in these first 10 days of 2013. Or at least that is what I aim to turn them into: an opportunity for healing, peace, and freedom.

I have never been a person who could handle stress well. I do not say that as a negative judgment of myself, but as a fact of life I have come to accept about myself. I need simplicity and tranqulity in order to function at my best. I know those things are not always possible, that life gets complicated and chaotic, but to whatever extent I can control, I need to choose simplicity and peace.

I guess the question for me is, how do I choose simplicity and peace? I think it is going to take time. Living one day at a time and learning to say "no" to things that cause stress and anxiety, to not feel responsible for the feelings of others, and to not be afraid of what others think about me.

For a while my motto was to "say yes to everything". That may have served well for a season of my life, but eventually it led to exhaustion and stress. Sometimes you have to say "no" even to things that you sincerely want to do.

This all probably sounds really trite, but I do not care. If I write it is going to be for myself, because I enjoy it and it feels good to my soul. I need more things that feel good to my soul.

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