Way back in grad school I began watching the television show Bones with my then roommate. This was back before Hulu, so if we didn't watch it live, we had to watch it on sketchy, illegal sites. I don't watch Bones religiously these days, but every once in a while I watch an episode before falling asleep.
The plot of Bones involves a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent who work together to solve murders and eventually fall in love. The anthropologist is very logical, science-minded, and doesn't take any stock in religious faith. The FBI agent is street wise, charming, and a semi-devout Catholic.
Anyhow, in the episode I watched last night the FBI agent had to break off his engagement with the anthropologist, but due to extenuating circumstances he couldn't tell her why. He still loved her and wanted to marry her, but he was being forced to break her heart and confuse her. Of course she had no idea why he was acting that way and in her initial pain she pulled away from their relationship. However, by the end of the episode she had chosen (uncharacteristically for her) to put faith in the FBI agent's character even though she did not understand his actions.
She looked him in the eyes and said this to him...
"I have absolute faith in you.
I trust you.
I know you love me.
I'm sorry I lost sight of that temporarily.
You're a good man.
You have your reasons and when you can, you'll share them with me."
Her words seemed to simplify what I want my heart to be like towards God. It may be a complicated choice, but it is a simple action to place your faith in God. Over and over and over and over again. To come to Him and say those words above. And mean them. And then walk unburdened from fear and worry, free to enjoy relationship with the Divine instead of mistrusting Him. It's too simple. I want to be able to fill out an application, read a book, or figure everything out by thinking through it a million times. Choosing to simply trust God and His love, for me, feels like free falling sometimes.
There is a situation in my life right now that is intriguing and perplexing and is merely a strand in an underlying and long lasting perplexity. I really think it's nothing, but I have no idea if it could be something. I want it to be something....or something to be something, but I have no control and very little knowledge.
So, instead of frantically looking for some sort of knowledge to cling to, I want to embrace my lack of knowledge and trust the character of God wholeheartedly. I'm pretty bad at that. Oddly enough, I found some encouragement in an episode of Bones.